Lonely Island

O.K. I feel guilty whining about my mom's lung cancer when other cancer families have more horrific tales. My mom wasn't young when she was diagnosed and the cancer wasn't totally a surprise.

When a family member is diagnosed with lung cancer you feel like you're isolated, on an island all by yourself. Lung cancer is so different from other forms of cancer. Well, the cancer itself isn't that different but the psychological implications are so completely different. Lung cancer is a combination of cancer and substance abuse. Both need to be treated.

My sister said my mom's lung cancer was encapsulated and it was the kind caused by radon exposure. Most of the time lung cancer has spread too far for surgery to be helpful. But my mom's lung cancer was treatable with surgery and chemotherapy and radiation. The surgeon was adamant that we get mom to quit smoking. That's like getting an alcoholic to quit drinking.

We couldn't get her to quit smoking. She didn't want to quit smoking. I think she was thinking since she had lung cancer she may as well keep smoking. I think the nicotine really calmed her and I'm sure she was pretty stressed during this time. The survival rate for lung cancer is low. She probably knew that. We didn't really talk about her lung cancer or the 'what if's' - like what if you die, or what if the cancer comes back. I was too afraid to bring up the topic and she never did.

I think my mom was teribbly addicted to cigarettes. She had depression and anxiety and the cigarettes helped calm her nerves. I don't think she had much self-knowledge. I think that's true for alot of addicts. Actually I think that's the hallmark of addiction. And we live in a society where addiction or abuse is so readily available. If you feel stressed then shop or smoke or drink or eat or gamble or have sex or take drugs or whatever. You know, smoking a few times is a way to cope, at best, and foolish, at worst. Smoking cigarettes to the point that it becomes a pattern or a way of life is life threatening. It hurts the people you love. That's another thing that addicts don't quite understand. We hurt. Our hurt isn't enough to get them to stop. How come that isn't enough? I have a feeling I'm an island in a sea of islands. Thousands, maybe millions of islands.